Breaking News Broadcast (12/21/2012?)

The dissention of the Son of God—Jesus—has shocked believers and former non-believers alike. Today, Jesus came down in his heavenly hovercraft jetliner for his second coming. When the airplane entered American airspace the U.S. Air force thought the craft to be of extraterrestrial origin when it had not responded to the radio transmissions sent. After not complying with the demands of the Air force, the fleet of jetfighters unleashed an attack upon the unidentified aircraft intending to bring it down. But consequently during the brief attack the jetfighters of the Air force seemingly lost control and plummeted to the ground, apparently all of them suffering from sudden fatal heart attacks; some people say that they were undoubtedly smitten by a divine power in return for firing upon the Jesuscraft. Jesus’ glorious descent ended with him exiting his airplane and walking down the red carpet rolled out for him and into an all-white limo that was waiting for him. Through the flashbulb lighting and the crowds and microphones pushed in his face he only took off his Oakleys and flashed a peace sign to everyone before stepping into the limo.